This is going to be kind of an apology and thank you letter to friends and family! :) Please bare with me as I may ramble a little bit. Also, I will not be answering questions or going into details so don't ask. I just feel like this is something I need to get off my chest.
So about 6 months into my pregnancy with Aidyn I started becoming a very different person and someone I didn't recognize at all, someone I didn't like at all. I was slipping into a very dark period in my life. I had a lot of things going on in my life. A job I hated, never getting to be with my family, stressed to the max & had people hurting me that didn't care that they were. I slipped into a very bad depression, I tried to put on a smile and live life but I wasn't living life, I was just living and trying to make it through each day. All of this went on for about 2 1/2 - 3 years. I honestly didn't even recognize myself anymore. I was always negative about everything, never had a positive thing to say. I started becoming very mean to my friends and family but it was my way of trying to find help (no one understood that). I ended up having Aidyn 7 weeks early due to all of this nonsense and today that hurts me so bad that I let things and myself get so bad that I put myself and Aidyn's life in danger. I lost friendships that were near and dear to me and I also pushed people away that wanted to be in my life but that was because I felt like no one wanted to be my friend, wanted to be around me or wanted to love me. Now I realize that no one wanted to be a part of my life because of ME. Not because of them but because of how negative I was about everything.
With that being said, I want to apologize to those who I pushed away and to those of you whose friendships I lost because of my own self. I always blamed everything on everyone else and I didn't take any blame for myself and my actions. I hope you all can forgive me!
To all of you who were there for me through all of it I have no words other than THANK YOU. Those words are not even adequate but I can't come up with anything else, I will never be able to repay you. I found out who my true friends were through the whole process and I am truly grateful for each and everyone of you. You all know who you are!
About 6 months ago I started working on myself and I think I have finally become full circle! I am the happiest I have ever been in every part of my life. I hope everyone can see the changes I have made. I have met so many wonderful people in the last 6 months - a year and they have all had a profound impact on my life. One thing that I have learned is that no one wants to be around a Negative Nancy all the time! :) Since I am happy and positive I have more friendships that I could have ever imagined, people want to spend time with me, they want to be around me and one thing is I know they love me. I finally feel worthy of love! Life could not be better for me right in this moment.
Life is good & I am a happy girl!
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